false starts, new starts

After a long time of working for someone else, I’m going to start my own business.  I am going to be a one person IT consulting firm.  This prospect is way scary for me.  I am an introvert by nature.  I am shy by temperament.  But over the years I have learned the art of “people”.  I don’t mean that I don’t like people, I just get my energy from other sources.  I have been a teacher for a long time and can handle myself in front of a classroom but put me in a group gathering and I tend to gravitate to a corner and just watch the other humans.  I’m thinking about starting another blog just focused on that adventure, I’ll keep you posted.

Today I’m in “Sabbath” mode.  It is a day for me to recuperate from the abuses of the past weeks.  I am weary and sore and hurt in places I forgot.  But I can breathe.  I need to remind myself to do that.  I am the teeth-clinching-until-it-hurts kind of stress-er.  I have to consciously remind myself to relax and unclinch my jaws and count a few breaths.  I have mislaid my favorite meditation bracelet.  The only one I can find is the one with 50 knots and I get distracted before I can get through that one.

The “purposeful” part of this geek has allowed himself to get so distracted by things undone that I haven’t been living in the moment.  I have been living in the tomorrow where everything is finished.  The mess has kept me from focusing on the changes that are for the better.  A big old dumpster of the old has been taken away and now the new is beginning to create some peace and life in me.  I think I need to re-read my blog about doing nothin’.

The old “beige” paint is all covered.  The old sliding glass doors are off to be re-purposed by someone who needs them.  The new windows and doors are being delivered on Thursday.  I wondered how a house with this many windows could look so dark, but it was because of the inside colors.  Like that with all of us, huh?  Bright blues and greens and yellows have replaced the dingy looking off-whites of the past.  Even as the grey’s and brown’s are giving way to hues of pine and apple wood so too are my moods of grey and brown giving way to the hope of promise fulfilled.

Out with the old; in with the new.  L’chaim!