the abyss, social events and baseball

I imagine the Internet as great vast spread of tentacles.  These tentacles are each of us looking for something.  Some are looking to just be a$$#013s, some just want to start fights, some are looking for a solution to some real problem, some just want to feel like they aren’t alone.  Yet we are alone, sitting in front of our personal sized window into the abyss.  I mean, I am one of the abyss lookers.  This blog wouldn’t exist except for my desire to write myself out of my funks or yell at the weirdness or gripe about that large software giant.  It is the abyss that allows us to write.  We who write do so in an insular little space.  I in my office, or on the pool deck or in stolen moments at work.  Others are in their bedrooms or kitchen tables or off in some corner of someone’s basement.  We stare into the abyss hoping to see hope.  Hoping against hope that what we read or see or hear will be that one spark that will ignite us to want to really live.

I did some anti-abyss-staring tonight.  I went to a networking cookout.  I hate those kind of things. I don’t like to do small talk, I don’t like to go around and mingle.  I am okay if someone comes up to me and strikes up a conversation, but rarely initiate one.  I try, but I experience physical pain when I am in situations like than.  I have learned to endure it, even play the game, but two hours later, here I am looking down Charon’s river.  ( I would apologize for the literary allusion, but I have use my education sometime, so, just go look it up.)   Is there real hope to be found in the mad musings of those who pour their souls into the mechanical beast that pervades our lives? I sure hope so.

My hope is that one day I will write something that will break a cycle of despair someone has fallen into.  None of us chose to be depressed or hurt or suffer loss or have to bear the various physical ailments that draw us together.  There are websites for almost every malady know to man, and some that are made up.  There are few places on the Internet one can go for a hug or a kind word or just plain old human contact.  I don’t have to be engaged in a conversation or in an intense debate about something to just enjoy being around people (in small doses).  I am perfectly content to sit in a room full of people and just watch their interactions.  I can sit and read with my wife or grandkids and get as much out of that kind of being together than in a loud group gathering.

Some people love March for the basketball tournament.  I like march because it won’t be long until baseball starts for real.  March is that time of year when even Cubbies fans hope for the best.  There is hope even those who are Braves fans and don’t recognize anyone on the team anymore.  Come opening day, every team starts with the same record, the same number of wins and losses, and most hope to end the year the same way.   I like to go to a live baseball game, as long as the people around me leave me alone to watch the game and drink a beer.  I just hope baseball never succumbs to the ADD attention span of most sports fans.

I hope that as you stare into the abyss tonight, you see a little glimmer of hope and not that three headed dog.  See y’all soon.