One of the great questions is “Why?”. That is one of the first questions young children ask. They can ask “Why?” more times in an hour than you have answers. I used to tell my children “just because” when I got aggravated with there “Why?’s. They didn’t like it. I don’t either. When we get older, our “Why?”s become deeper and more philosophical. Why do bad things happen? Why haven’t aliens announced themselves to us? Why do I always pick the slowest lines at Publix? Why don’t we have spinning space station like the one in 2001 a Space Odyssey? I do not know the answers to any of those questions.
I am a play by rules person. I don’t like cheaters. I am not competitive by nature. I want everyone to get along. I abhor being told to just “take it on faith”. I want to know “Why?”.
Sometimes “Why?” is that we make the wrong decisions. Sometimes it is because we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. Often, there is no understandable reason. I really struggle with the “Why?”s during times like the last few weeks. Why them? What did they do? Life often makes no sense. I’m not the guy to offer up the answer to the “Why?”s. I don’t even know the “Why?” to the question of “me”. “Why?” can drive you crazy (or crazier, in my case). “Why?” can push you to God or alcohol or a hermit’s cave.
I was asked recently to find my “purpose”. Once upon a time, my Faith community went through a book called “Forty Days of Purpose.” It turned out to be that all of us had the same “purpose”. I was not convinced that we all have the same “purpose” in life. I am a skeptic of any of those “x” number of steps to anything. In my opinion, there is not and never will be a “one-size-fits-all” purpose to life. We are different enough from each other that it could never work. My wife and my business partner are both of the “kick ass and take names” school of getting things done. I am more of a “let the process work” kind of person. Nothing really wrong with either kind of methodology, just different.
For now, my purpose is to tell myself that I am not defined by my grief or my age or my health. I will tell myself to say “yes” more often and take more chances (not stupid ones) and talk to more strangers and …. live.